Stick Around

I got my new Glamour in the mail today, but that treasure trove of blow job tips will have to sit and gather dust until I'm done with my Weird NJ magazine (A.K.A. a REAL magazine!) It's June, so we all can look forward to an issue saturated with positive body image bullshit. The cover says, "Size 2? size 12? They're all hot to us!" To which I say, "REALLY Glamour? Then how come you chose to put 3 women on your cover and they're all a size 2?"

Anyway, don't go thinking I'm some weird bra burner. I'm not. At all. In fact I wish I could set women's lib back 60 years and not have to focus on any of this getting-a-job crap. How awesome would it be to wake up every morning and have your only pressing issues of the day be what to make for dinner and hoping your husband doesn't come home drunk and mentally abuse you for not making his coffee strong enough? It's not girl power I'm concerned with, it's corporate greed. I hate you so much, Corporate America! They won't put fat girls on the cover because that doesn't sell magazines. But then they pipe thinly veiled, transparent shit into their pages... like they'll use a size 6 model and then spend 3 pages patting themselves on the back for showing "REAL" women in their spreads. Great job, assholes!

I digress. But I'm only digressing because I haven't read the magazine yet. This blog is certainly not meant to be a soapbox for me to stand on and talk about shit I know nothing about. I know a lot about judging and making fun of people, and there's plenty of that right around the corner.

I Miss You, Sassy Magazine!

Do you subscribe to any of those vapid female rags? Sure, they're good reading. They help me fall asleep at night. They're great for the beach when you don't want to ruin a good book with a ton of sand or an errant wave. They're fantastic for when you want to look at stupid outfits that don't make any sense and you'd never be able to afford anyway, or when you want to look at a bunch of strange guys with their shirts off from various states. (All About Men Issue, HOLLA!)

But mostly, if you're me, they're good for a laugh. Don't tell me you've never been reading one of these magazines and thought to yourself, "really?... REALLY?" If Cosmo's your Bible, and you actually take their "sex tips" seriously, this might not be the place for you. But if you can see right through their "Look! We use REAL women because we believe in YOU! OUR READERS!" schtick then you might want to pull up a chair, because we have something in common.